A Year Ago

It is crazy to think about what has happened to us in the last year. One year ago today is when I found out I was pregnant with Jax. Jasper was out of town and I wasn't planning on taking a test but I couldn't help myself. It was really too early to test but I got the faintest positive (Jax has always been so advanced!) :) I called Jasper immediately because I couldn't wait for him to get home the next day to tell him. We were so excited, but we were so terrified at the same time as we had been in this place twice before with difficult outcomes.



I feel like I just held my breath for the next two weeks afraid if I exhaled it would all end. When you have suffered "recurrent pregnancy loss," as the doctors call it, it can be difficult to enjoy a pregnancy, especially in those early stages. I kept repeating to myself a phrase I had heard "today I am pregnant and I love my baby." Each day I tried to enjoy the pregnancy and not worry about the what ifs, but that is a very difficult task that I did not always succeed at and there were some very long days. Those days turned into weeks, however, and those weeks into months. Jax continued to grow.



By far the only "benefit" to having prior losses and a high risk pregnancy is that doctors watch you very closely. Taking numerous pictures of Jax started well before his birthday as we had countless ultrasounds to monitor his growth. I have a whole photo album of ultrasound pictures which I will always cherish. Below are just a few.



This one was taken at 5 weeks 5 days. There was a fear I was having another miscarriage and they brought me in very early. That ring shape had a tiny little dot on the end that was blinking. That was Jax and his heart beating. You usually can't see a heart beat this early, but like I said Jax, was really advanced!





This was at 6 weeks 5 days. Jax looked more like a blob here but the heartbeat was very strong.





At 8 weeks 6 days you could tell there was a head and body. There was a tiny bit of movement at this point but the real movement was at the 10 week ultrasound.





At 12 weeks 5 days we had the NT scan. Jax looked so much like a baby at this point it was unreal. He moved and was very stubborn for the tech, refusing to move to the correct position for her to get her measurements. That meant we were there for a very long time. I think he just realized that his mom and dad needed to see him on the screen for a little longer.









This is the profile picture from his anatomy scan. Most importantly it was at this scan that we were told everything looked great. We also found out he was a boy which was so exciting.





There were many more ultrasounds at the end of the pregnancy, but by the third trimester he was so big I couldn't really distinguish much from the pictures. I just trusted the tech when she would say "there is the foot" or "I am looking at the heart and everything looks great."



Looking back at all of these pictures now it is hard to believe in just one year the image on those pictures is now a thriving healthy 3 month old. We feel so blessed.