Miles has been teething and therefore getting up a lot more at night. I am an exhausted mom right now that has been running on autopilot much of the time. Miles just got up for the first of likely many times tonight and when I went in he didn't want another bottle like he usually does, he settled down as soon as I held him and rocked him. He just wanted his mom. While I usually look on my phone while rocking him back to sleep (my strategy to keep myself awake for these overnight feedings), I was just struck by the look of my sweet sweet little boy tonight lying there in my arms. He is perfect. Doing this "baby stage" for the second time, I am much more aware of how fleeting moments like these really are in the grand scheme of things. Sure I am tired. Of course I will love it when I am no longer getting up over night to feed a baby. However I will so miss rocking my little boy to sleep. As soon as Jax started going to bed on his own and sleeping through the night, our rocking sessions completely and abruptly ended (his choice not mine). Sometimes it is even hard to really remember those nights.
Tonight I found myself studying every inch of Miles, his half smile that he gives when falling asleep, his fist held right up to his mouth, the way his legs cross at the ankles as they lay across my lap. My eyes watered up as I was completely overcome with emotion. My God I love this child so much. So I just sat there rocking my little baby with tears on my cheeks that were unable to be wiped as my hands were otherwise occupied. Then I prayed. I prayed for God to keep my sweet angel safe. I prayed for help in the many areas that I often find myself feeling inadequate as a parent. Then I gave thanks. I am so lucky and incredibly blessed to have been given yet another little boy to raise.
Miles sighed and I knew it was time to put him back in his crib. He may continue to get bigger and change, but this moment is one I will always remember.
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